20 09 2008

I rarely orgasm with X and sometimes, I’m not sure if I ever really have.

And it’s not that I don’t know what an orgasm is. Oh, believe me, I do. I have no problems getting myself off with my fingers or my vibrator. I can bring myself to the edge over and over again, letting my body cool down a bit each time before teasing myself again until I finally let myself cum. And we’re talking tingling in my toes, body shaking, vision darkening, gasping orgasms where I can feel tiny convulsions in my pussy for 10 to 15 minutes later. I’ve never had an orgasm even close to that with X.

To give him kudos, he has made me squirt twice now. And each time I’m starting to understand the mechanics of how it happens a little better. But other than that. Nothing. No body shaking or vision darkening with him. And I’m not saying I don’t enjoy sex with him, or that I’m not satisfied afterwards. I just don’t think I cum.

Most times, during sex, there gets to be a point where the sensations get so good and so intense that I feel like I can barely take anymore. I usually grip the bedsheets or X’s biceps as I tense up and demand more. And then without any hurrah it just lessens. Things aren’t so intense anymore and I can breath. It’s during those time that I’ve squirted. Which makes me think that the intensity and sudden decrease of it, might be a small orgasm. But it feels nothing like the orgasms I can give myself.

I’ve gotten the tingling in my toes and the warmth pooling in my gut that usually signifies an orgasm when I’m masturbating a few times with X too. It’s just that we’ve changed positions or he’s changed the angle and I’ve just lost it.

Seeing as X is the only guy, aside from my random one night thing a few weeks ago, I’ve slept with I really can’t be a judge but I don’t think it’s entirely X’s fault that I don’t orgasm. I honestly think it’s difficult to get me to cum. And sex is still amazing, and I still want it all the time. 

But still. I don’t know. What does everyone else think about this conundrum? 



3 responses

20 09 2008

eh, as long as you’re enjoying yourself then it’s all good, right?

if you want it to happen though, it might help to think about how you get off when you’re alone (technique-wise). what really gets you off? do you need more stimulation in specific areas, like the clit or gspot, or a certain angle of penetration that really does it for you? or do you like the buildup to the big moment, backing off when you’re close, being teased and drawing it out until you can’t hold it back anymore? if you suspect it’s a matter of positions, you can experiment the next time you indulge your dom side. =p

there could be a mental component, as well. for me, masturbation is totally different than sex. when i’m masturbating, i’m totally focused on myself, whereas with sex i’m not simultaneously paying attention to her reactions as well. dividing my attention like that changes the experience, and makes things a bit more about exploration than self-gratification. so my sex orgasms are usually different than my self-serviced ones. in fact, they’re usually better since i get off on the exploration/communication aspect of it.

in the end, you just have to experiment and see what works best for you. enlist X’s help, and just explore! i’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself regardless of the end result…

20 09 2008
Wilhelmina Wang

Same here. I can get myself off extremely easily – but then I think masturbation is always easier since you *know* what you like and can feel your own reactions. When I’m with other people, sometimes I get *extremely* close to orgasming multiple times and it just goes away because the person *stops* doing the one, amazing thing that’s bringing me to the edge.

In those cases, I think it was just due to lack of communication, because I wouldn’t say anything… in fact I never spoke during sex until a few months ago. I’d used to just trust the person to read my reactions, responses, etc, but that doesn’t always work.

I also have a couple of friends who have issues with orgasming – one of them hasn’t orgasmed at all, and one can only orgasm with sex toys. I think that’s probably due to a mental block of sorts.

In the end though – to me, the orgasm itself isn’t really what matters. I can give myself orgasms to no end. But the feeling of skin, intimacy, the exhileration of another person’s hands and lips all over you – that’s what sex is all about! I’ve had times when I couldn’t be sure whether I orgasmed or not, and my partners were always very perplexed by that… and the way I explained it was that an orgasm is the high point of many many waves of pleasure – but the pleasure itself is what’s important to me.

30 09 2008
Fat Controller

Here’s my two cents, for what it’s worth. In all the 30 years that I have known her, I have never been able to bring H to orgasm vaginally, much as I would like to. It’s just the way she is constructed. When we hve sex, however, I never leave her without an ‘O’, but it has to be via fingers on clit. Going down is nice for her but she can’t come unless her legs are tightly squeezed together. Anal gets her close and I sometimes think that under the right conditions she could come just from nipple stimulation. I used to be really hung up on the fact that she wouldn’t just melt into orgasm as soon as I entered her but have realised that we are all individuals and different people are constructed differently. THe secret is to be sensitive to individual likes and dislikes. Part of the fun of finding out about each other is discovering which buttons to press (and we are still discovering new ones) Besides; orgasm is only the destination and you can enjoy a journey without ever reaching your destination.

I have only just discovered your blog, devoured the whole lot at one sitting and am now hungry for more! I am adding you to my blogroll.

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