23 09 2008

Recently X has started calling me his mistress. Not often. But every once in a while.

I don’t like the term: Mistress. It sounds dirty and has such negative connotations. But in all reality, that’s sort of what I am. I don’t like the sound of it, and I mostly don’t like the fact that I accept that it’s what I am.

I am his Mistress. He has a girlfriend who he doesn’t intend to really leave. I’m slowly realizing that I don’t think I want a serious boyfriend at this point in my life. We have sex because it suits us. We’re attracted to each other and comfortable around each other and we give each other something we’re lacking. I need affection and attention. I need someone I can open up to and trust. And I’m not sure what X needs. Maybe someone who argues with him and challenges him. And who hugs him and puts up with all his crazy, stupid shit. But that’s just a guess. I’m not really sure. We’re also best friends. And that’s where the Mistress thing bothers me. I’m more than just the woman he cheats on his girlfriend with. Whether he admits it or not, there’s more between us than just friendship or just sex.

I don’t like the word. And I’m probably going to tell him next time he calls me it to stop it. That I don’t like that word. And we’ll probably have a discussion about it. Because it’s what we do.

Come October, I’ll have been his ‘Mistress’ offically for a year now. It’s odd saying that. The longest and most meaningful relationship in my life has been with a man who has a girlfriend. I never would have thought I’d be in this situation a year ago. My drunk, persistant ass never would have imagined where the first kiss would have led us.

A year ago he was just a tall, super cute guy in my dorm who I wanted to find a way to run into. He was just a guy who, when I finally met, was ereily similar to me. He was just a guy who was intially attracted to me because I laughed at his circular logic.

Now he’s my best friend. My lover. My punching bag. My biggest frustration. My biggest comfort. He’s the guy I can tell almost anything to. He’s the guy who reads my mind and says the same thing at the same time as me.

I love him. It’s an odd mixed up kind of love. Where I’m not sure if it’s romantic or platonic or best friend or some odd mix inbetween.

And I’m his Mistress. Still coming to terms with that. Because calling me his Mistress makes me feel like there’s nothing beyond that when I know there is.

I don’t know. I think this quote from one of my favorite comics sums X and I up quite well: We have never made sense untangled.

Smart Girls Make Better Lovers

23 09 2008

What I’ve learned over the past year as I’ve explored my sexuality is that smart girls really do make better lovers. Chicks with brains can make you scream. It’s so very true and all you men out there should know it.

First and foremost, when I say chicks with brains I don’t mean uber-geniuses who are going to go on to cure cancer, stop world hunger and find a way to make chickens shit money. I mean chicks who think. Women who know how to use that grey matter in their noggin. In general, girls with commonsense, the ability to rationalize, and a desire and a drive to learn.

Now, I know you’re thinking that I’m insane for saying that a girl with a brain makes a better lover. Anyone can be a good lover. But believe me, I’m not insane for saying that. In my experience it’s so very true. Hot, drop dead gorgeous chicks can be good lovers too. As can vapid girls. As can girls who think far too much. I’m not saying this is Ultimate Rule of Nature. Just that girls with brains have rational reasons to be considered better in bed.

At this point I’m sure you just want me to stop yapping and tell you why smart girls make better lovers. And that is what I shall do.

One: Smart Girl Tool #1 Commonsense. Smart Girls have a good grasp on commonsense. We understand at least the basics of male and female anatomy. We know that Tab A goes in Slot B and with the right tools and person can go in Slot C too.

My friend was just telling me the other day about how he experienced the worst handjob ever. He said the girl took his penis in both hands and started rubbing like she was trying to start a fire. He stopped her because he was afraid of getting friction burns. That just baffled my mind. Who could even begin to think that something like that would feel good for a guy? I mean, with lube and a slower pace, I could see it being enjoyable. But the fact that the girl almost gave my poor friend friction burns just attests to the fact that she didn’t think things through.

So commonsense is the first tool of Smart Girls. Use it.

If you think it might be painful for someone, or if you don’t think the laws of physics work that way, you probably shouldn’t do it. Or at least proceed with caution. On the flip side, if your partner moans when you press your finger tips into his back commonsense says there’s a good chance he’d probably enjoy you raking your fingernails along his back in the heat of the moment.

It’s all about connecting A with B to arrive at C. Commonsense. And because we can connect those dots, we don’t need to be told what to do the majority of the time.

Two:Smart Girls love to learn. We love challenges. That’s why we read books or take difficult classes or do those frustrating puzzles and wordgames and sudoku. We like to be given a problem and have a chance to solve it.

To use myself as an example. I gave my first blow job roughly a year ago. I had no fucking clue what I was doing. But using Smart Girl Tool #1 Commonsense, I managed to give some decent head. But I don’t like simply being decent. I read up on articles, I learned how my gag reflex worked and how to suppress it. I read up on what spots are most sensitive. That improved my blow jobs. But I also started listening to X, asking him what he wanted me to do. And I improved my technique. It took me a year to get where I am. Just last week I deep throated for the first time because after months of experimenting, I finally figured out the mechanics of it. I took blow jobs as a challenge and I didn’t stop improving myself until I felt I mastered them. Now X tells me I give the best blow jobs he’s ever had.

Of course, this love of learning isn’t just limited to improving techniques. Smart Girls love learning about themselves too. If we have good grasps on how our bodies work then sex is better for us. And when it’s better for one person, it’s probably better for the other too.

Smart Girls look at new lovers as puzzles. We like to find what makes you tick. We like to solve you. And thus, by understanding what makes you tick, we’re better in bed. Because honestly, you can have the hottest body in the world, but if you don’t understand  how it works, if you don’t make an effort to know how it works sex can’t be that enjoyable.

Three: Smart Girl Tool #2 Masturbation. Intelligent girls know how to take care of themselves, in more ways than one. It doesn’t seem like it would make us better lovers, but being independent enough to self-love really does make a difference.

I guess it goes along with loving learning in a way. We don’t need you to satisfy our needs 24/7. We know how to get ourselves off and we’re not ashamed that we do it.

Of course, you think I’m crazy. If girls get themselves off, they won’t want sex anymore. Quite contrare. I’ve spoken to many of my friends on the topic and masturbating does not diminish sex drive. All my friends are in agreement that sometimes we can get better, stronger orgasms from self-love but that nothing can imitate the feel of skin on skin, the heat, the breathlessness, the intimacy of sex with a partner.

So, by being independent and exploring ourselves, we learn better what gets us off. We learn to understand our bodies and can better use them to satisfy both ourselves and our lovers.

A good friend of mine has masturbated a grand total 3 times in her whole life. She’s never gotten off from sex. She’s told me she feels like masturbating is cheating on her lover. Like he should be there when she does it. But yet, she rarely gets off from sex. And to think that she lives life without orgasming makes me sad. If she engaged in a little self-love, I can bet her sex life would improve.

Four: Smart Girls are experimental. We like trying new things and exploring new venues. We won’t just say no to something. Honestly, we’ll probably go home and research it to find out the pros and cons of your specific fetish.

You ask us to try anal and there’s a good chance we’re not going to say ‘Ew, omg. Ew. Gross. Pervert.’ We’re going to go home and look up anal. We’re going to find out that it can be very pleasurable for both parties and that, with the proper preparation it shouldn’t be a problem. I had my misgivings about anal sex at first, but after doing a good amount of research I felt confident in trying it.

We’re open-minded and willing to try lots of things. We don’t let taboos hold us back at times. And that just makes everything more fun. Because plain old missionary can get a bit old after a while.

Five: Smart Girls are safe. We carry our own condoms. We’re usually on some form of contraception. And we know enough about our bodies to know if something is off. I know with me, I know enough about my period and my fertility to know if the condom breaks if I’m at a big risk for pregnancy or not. I know when I get a twinge in my side about 14 days into my cycle that I’m ovulating.

Smart Girls know what’s going on in their bodies. They read labels and warnings on medicines. They know what to do if condoms break. They get tested and aren’t afraid to ask their doctor questions. And that might not make sex better, but it sure as hell makes us better, safer lovers in the end.

So go out there guys and find yourself a chick with a brain. I can bet you she’ll blow your mind.

And don’t tell me I’m crazy for writing this all up. If you look at the majority of sex bloggers out there, we’re intelligent, outgoing, confident women who know what we want and what we like. And that can’t be an accident.

In Class Conversations

23 09 2008

X and I have one class together and we usually sit and IM each other in between taking notes.

X: Sigh….I really need to stop looking at your tits.

Me: I noticed you staring. I’m amused.

X: Shh…

TMI Tuesdays: Fun Stuff

23 09 2008

1. What is the strangest thing you have ever inserted or seen inserted (in a sexual manner) in person? Uh…..eggplant. X and I had an interesting conversation about that one. He found a porn video where a girl was apparently pleasuring herself with an eggplant.
2. Have you ever had sex anyone whose name started with a J? Nope!
3. Have you ever been outside completely naked? Sadly no. Though X was talking about how he’s never gone camping with a lover before…maybe I could convince him to take me camping some weekend.
4. Do you prefer music, tv, or other noise in the background when you have sex? I honestly prefer no background noise, but living in an apartment with three others makes that option a little more nessecary. X and I usually leave the TV on as background noise.
5. Have you ever used ice for sexual purposes? Hehe. Yes. My windowsill next to my bed last year was made of stone, so in the winter it would get very cold. Very, very cold. I learned X really liked when I put my cold hand on his cock. Which then got us experimenting with ice. We had a lot of fun. I’ll just leave it at that.
Bonus: Have you ever been propositioned for group sex? Yes. BFY asked if I would do a threesome with her boyfriend. I politley declined. And X and I currently are working on some people we’re friends with. Hopefully things work out.