Stress

16 02 2009

I haven’t been writing much because I’ve been stressed out.

To make a long, long story short X has been dealing with some girlfriend problems. And he’s been in a terrible mood because of it. And I don’t know. It’s this whole big mess of her lying to him and not being able to give him proof of something. And well, to be honest, I’m getting really fucking sick of it.

As most of you probably know, I hate X’s girlfriend. He doesn’t quite understand this despite multiple attempts to explain. I’ve always hated people who hurt my friends, it’s just how I am. And well, she cheated on him last Spring Break. She called him up and told him she met this guy the past night and he reminded her of him, was as big as him, and was as good in bed if not better than him. And she planned on fucking him again the next night. X managed to talk her out of doing that. Apparently she was mad at him and so she slept with this guy. I was livid because X was crushed and hurt and I’d never seen him so sad. That’s when I started hating her. He took her back and acted like everything was peachy keen.

Now she’s been lying to him about this existence of this girl. She showed up to his place a couple months back with a hickey on her neck that she claimed was from some girl in her English class that she had fooled around with. X was annoyed she’d fooled around without talking to him but didn’t worry about it. Knowing him, the idea probably just turned him on. (Which I found odd. Because if she’s apparently bisexual, isn’t hooking up with a girl even more an instance of cheating than if it was a straight girl?) Well, he brings the girl back up a couple weeks ago and she can’t remember her name. And she claims she met her somewhere else.

X asked some people and no one knew this girl that his girlfriend had apparently hooked up with. So, the middle of last week he finally grows some balls and tells her ‘Prove to me this girl exists or I leave you.’

I was elated. Finally he was breaking free from the chains he had her in enough that he could call her on her super fishy story. Well, apparently the girlfriend doesn’t talk to the girl anymore so she said she couldn’t find her. Then X pressured her some more and suddenly the girl doesn’t go to the girlfriend’s University anymore. Huh what?? People at her school ‘knew of her’ but no one could find her number. Isn’t that a little odd for a campus of 1000 or so people? I mean, I’d have troubling finding someone’s number if they left but that’s because there’s like 15,000 to 20,000 people here. 1000 is like the size of my old high school.

Well, X believes that the girl exists. Or at least he wants to. And he’s going to ‘help his girlfriend find her.’ What bothers me is how long is he going to put up with this? He says he’s going to keep pushing her until a) she finds the girl (which i don’t think will happen) b) she admits she’s lying or c) he gets proof she’s lying. Okay X, how long are you going to let this continue? She’s had roughly 5 days to find this girl and there’s been nothing.

X snapped at me yesterday because I got mad at him. He yelled at me and told me that I don’t see the good in the relationship, only the bad. And that I’m extremely biased (something I try not to be). He tells me he has no proof of anything, only circumstantial evidence.And that I have no right to tell him what to do in a relationship because I’ve never seen a good one, let alone even been in one.

I just get so angry because there’s a way relationships should work and he and his girlfriend are not an example of that. I may not have experience in relationships as he so assholishly pointed out, but I know people. And I know how things are. It’s a gut feeling based on logic and commonsense. Relationships are not about preventing each other from doing things because you’re three hours away. Or being totally controlled by one party.

What scares me the most is that X can’t see himself. I want to take a video recorder sometime and video tape what he looks and sounds like when he answers the phone with her. I want to play it back to him and make him see what a pussy he is with her. From what V has mentioned in passing (no getting pissed at me, X. V mentioned this of his own free will. I did nothing to prompt this) X is whipped to the EXTREME when he’s around her. And I can tell just by how he talks to her. His voice drops down to a babyish tone reserved for idiots and he sounds like a complete slave begging to lick his girlfriend’s shit covered boots. That is no lie. He’s said that it’s normal that he does that. No, it’s not. You should never have to act like you’re lower than your SO.

I don’t know, but maybe I’m just totally off base about relationships.

In my humble, inexperienced and thus obviously totally invalid opinion, relationships aren’t just about love. I learned that from my own parents. My mom and dad loved each other dearly, but they were terrible for each other and had my dad lived they would have gotten a divorce. They just didn’t work.

Relationships should be about trust. You need to be able to not worry about your SO going off and doing something that hurts you or that you don’t approve of.

Relationships should be about honesty. In my opinion you need to be able to be as close to 100% honest with your SO, a relationship built on and fed with lies is one that’s not very strong and not very stable. And any kind of lie is bad. Little white lies eat at it like acid. While big lies are like time bombs.

In my stupid, idiotic opinion your SO should be your best friend. The one person you can tell anything and everything, who accepts you for who you are.

That’s not to say that relationships that don’t fit these ideas can’t work, it’s just that they’re unstable and unhealthy.

I just worry my ass off about X because as much as he claims his girlfriend makes him happy, I don’t think their relationship is healthy. And honestly, I don’t think she’s telling the truth. I don’t think that girl exists.

And don’t anyone try to tell me that I just want them to break up because I want to be with X. I stopped thinking about myself in this whole stupid situation a long time ago. And regardless, X has made it clear he would never want to date me, so I know nothing would really change. I just want him to be happy. And I think he’d be surprised at how much happier he’d end up being if he was single.

Sigh………


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5 responses to “Stress”

16 02 2009
Amy

I don’t want to point out the obvious here, but why is he so mad at her cheating when he’s doing the same? From the sounds of it he would be a lot happier without her, but that’s not how love always works - it makes people do crazy things.
And it’s so hard to watch from the outside. Especially if you’re only JUST outside. I really hope things work out for the best. Everyone seems stressed in this situation and that’s never good.
xxxxx

16 02 2009
lawrence

Sounds messy… and depressing.

17 02 2009
Nathan

I read most of the entry above, and I’m sorry if I may sound a bit off, but like Amy pointed out….how is this any different from a 30,000 foot viewpoint.

In all honesty, it sounds if X can dish it out but can’t take it himself. Like that old saying “If it’s too hot in teh kitchen…get out.” Seems that either he has blinders on, or is not all there mentally. As a fellow guy, I think the reason he’s carrying on the way he is, is because he’s either A) very in love with his girlfriend and can’t admit it, or B) doesn’t like to ‘lose’ or be on the receiving end of shennanigans…..both of which doesn’t spell good news for you in the long run.

If you and X are just f-buddies, then don’t play into any of this. However, it reads if you are indeed getting attached or perhaps developing feelings for him, otherwise you wouldn’t care so much. If you do have feelings for him, then you need to take a stance on way or the other: A) You need to be rid of X because it’s wrecking you emotionally, or B) X needs to ditch her once and for all and move on.

If he can’t, you’re in trouble down the line. But this whole situation reads slightly amiss only because X is cheating on his girlfriend with you…which means..well..’the pot calling the kettle black’ comes to mind.

It sounds to me as if you need to make an ultimatum, or draw a line in the sand to move beyond this.

It’s not me developing feelings for him. It’s more of a ‘He’s my best friend and I care a lot about him.’
<3Z

18 02 2009
:(

I FEEL your PAIN! I have been in a very similar situation for the last 6 months (very, very similar, the phrase “needs to grow some balls” has been used frequently in connection with the guy and his girl in my particular scenario). Very similar except without all the sex. But with plenty of talk of it, along with the best friend and soulmate stuff.
Anyway. After 6 months of this insanity, I am just about now deciding to break free myself and leave them to it. Difficult to do however.
Good luck with yours ;)

19 02 2009
dayglow

Does he have an agreement with her that he can be nonmonogamous but she can’t? As others have said, I don’t understand why he is upset about her having sex with someone else when he’s having sex with you. Is there something I’m missing?

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