Drowning

2 05 2009

I am drowning.
Drowning. Drowning. Drowning.
The water is all around me and I am drowning.
So slow. I feel fuzzy and buzzy.

Buzzybuzzy.

The water is hot as I turn my face to the spray.
Life is so simple in that moment yet oh so complicated.

I am drowning.
Can’t breath.
Drowning.

The spray is hot around me and I sit.
The floor is cold, the water is hot.
Contrasting viewpoints on the nature of reality.
Really.

The water is all around me now, running through my hair and down my face.
Artificial tears from artificial rain.
And I am drowning in that moment.
All the lines are blurred.
Fuzzy.

My eyes, half-lidded, stare at nothing.
I am drowning.
Drowning. Drowning. Drowning.
So slow. So perfect.
Cold and hot.
Silence except for the sound of tears that aren’t tears.
I am drowning.

So perfect and so wrong in that moment not breathing, not seeing except for the sense that I am drowning.

And please don’t save me.

[This was written roughly two years ago. But it reflects how I'm feeling right now so I thought it was appropriate. This was actually written about a moment of slight existential crisis I had one summer when I came home slighty buzzed and took a shower.]


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4 responses

6 05 2009
Jonathan

…..Wow….are you feeling…better now?

7 05 2009
Z

Oh i was just stressed when i posted that! Haha.

7 05 2009
Kane

So… I kind of just want to make sure that you’re stilll… alive.

Could you just give us a yes, or…?

7 05 2009
Z

Yes I’m still alive. Finals week was this week and mix in drama and fighting with X and a serious lack of sleep? I was not in the mood to be writing. Haha.

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