17 05 2009

I hate to do this, I really do.

I’m just letting all you, my readers, know that I’m not going to be posting a lot for well…..I’m not sure……..There are various reasons behind this.

  • I’ve been fighting an uphill battle with my grades since I was 12. I get them under control, sometimes I can’t. This semester got out of my control….I’m on suspension at my university….I’m allowed to petition but I have to build my case to be let back in the fall. I’ll be focusing a fair amount of free time on that because I can’t not be at school. It’ll destroy me.
  • X and I have been fighting a lot. And it’s not like I’m innocent as I tend to say things that I really don’t mean or else things that I say just to be nasty when I get angry with him. But he’s not innocent either. His patience with me is less, and I feel like he picks the fights sometimes. (He’ll yell at me for this one. It’s a FEELING hun. Not an accusation.) Like tonight. I told him to drop something. He didn’t. He bugged me and bugged me until I finally told him. And then he got pissed at me for my thoughts and my opinions. Now I got mean around there because I hate being forced to say something I know is going to cause a fight. Bottomline: He got pissed at me for something that flitted through my mind and that I wasn’t ever planning on mentioning, and only mentioned because he wouldn’t drop it. Fighting like that last whole days. And it drains me. I don’t think he gets how much it drains me. My mother saps enough emotional greif out of me everyday that even a little fight with him seems huge because I’m so just tired of feeling like I’m a shitty person.
  • My sex drive is fucked up. In two-ish weeks I’ve only felt like gettingĀ  myself off one day. This is odd for me. When there is a lack of sex, I’ll usually get off once, sometimes twice, a day. When my sex drive is fucked up, I find it hard to write about sex. Make sense?
  • I think I’m getting depressed again. All the above factors plus being home and away from my friends leads to 10hours of sleep a night plus 2-3 hours of naps during the day. I can barely stay awake some afternoons.
  • I just need a break.

I’m prolly gonna be posting the occasional reveiw or short rant or bit of fiction. But I can’t promise anything right now…



3 responses

17 05 2009

That’s a whole lot of crap right there. Look after yourself, we’ll miss you. I’m just an email away if ever you need a sympathetic ear.

I’m sending you some good vibes, wish there was more I could do.


18 05 2009

You’re dealing with a lot, and the fact that you’ve even taken some time to let us all know is much appreciated.

Thank you so much for your contributions and sharing so much over the last long while. Sending you good vibes and I hope everything picks up for you!


20 05 2009

Take care of yourself. I’ll miss reading your stuff and hope you’ll be back soon!

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