26 05 2009

X: you suck. it’s part of your job

Z: oh really? what is my job?
X: my little whore
Z: and what’s my job description?
X: you should know that by now
Z: i’m a bit fuzzy on it….
X: your job description is to do everything I tell you to. to service me in any way I ask you to without question or complaint


I can’t even describe how hot that line made me. It brought to my mind images of gagging on his cock, my hair firmly in his hand as he made sure I took him as far down my throat as I could. And him stroking my face when I pleased him, the hand in my hair no longer needed to guide me and force me to do what he wanted.

I have issues with control. I need to control my life. I stress about things I have no control over and sometimes I have breakdowns when I feel like things I had in control are suddenly out of control. It’s not pretty. And I don’t know if it’s odd or normal that I so willingly give up control in the bedroom. That’s not to say I’m not aggressive in bed, I just have submissive tendencies. It might simply be X. He’s the only guy I’ve been with more than once and who has had a dominant streak. X turns me into a pathetic, begging little whore. He’s not forceful all of the time. But the times he’s gotten extremely aggressive are memorable. Picking me up by my thighs and throwing me onto the bed? Check. Denying me orgasms until I begged and pleaded? Check. Fucking me into submission? Check.

I like the feeling of being not in control. I like being bent in half. I like  being spanked. I like being bitten. And part of the submissive part of me is also a bit of a pain slut. I hate pain when I’m just going about life. But during sex? X can smack me around and I fucking love it. There have been a few times where he’s been fucking me and I’ve been tempted to tell him that I dont care if he bites me so hard I bleed. Frankly, I think that would be fucking hot as all hell.

And right now, I wish he was here to bend me over a bed and have his way with me.

But on the flip side, I do like being dominant. And I have more than just a little bit of a bratty side when I’m not feeling totally submissive. A few weeks ago was actually the first time I was dominant with him that I felt like I did things ‘right’. I’m almost afraid to be dominant. Because when I get aggressive, I want to hurt people. And I know X isn’t into pain. So the biting, scratching, spanking, hitting of any sort is a no go. Which leaves me with very little to do. So I’m always a little lost feeling when I’m doming him. Which I don’t like. Which is why I prefer playing the submissive part.

I wish I could figure out how to be a better dom than I am. :(



2 responses

26 05 2009

you’re the dom. make him take SOME pain. a little pain never killed anybody..who knows, he might start to like it seeing how turned on you get

26 05 2009

I’m the same – I’m a total control freak in real life but in bed I love letting someone else have control.

Practice makes perfect is the only advice I can give you on the domming thing ;)


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