26 10 2009

The devil that you know is better than the one you don’t”

Goodbye sex is bittersweet.┬áViolent, amazing, exhausting, delicious and rough but still bittersweet. He grabbed my neck and looked at me while I rode him and said ‘right now, I can only think of you,’ and I almost started crying. I’m now alone in my own bed instead of his. It’s an odd feeling. A sad feeling.

A lot has happened in the last week. A lot of changes have occurred. Some for the better, some for the worst and some that just plain hurt. I’m not going to go into what happened on this blog. It’s not my place. What happened this week is between X and I, and it’s mostly X’s story to tell. And I happen to know he would not want it told on this blog.

He and I are broken right now. But we’re trying to get to the point where we can fix things. I’m not sure if we’ll ever be as close. And we won’t be sleeping together anymore. But I hope we can fix things. Because I’m hurt really bad right now. And I hate it.

I thought about taking down my blog. But I can’t do that. I want to keep writing, to keep writing this.

My chest hurts bad right now. I got through this weekend with a steady stream of tequila. I’m hoping things get better from here. Because right now, I feel like the world is leaving me helpless and alone.

Like lonely ghosts at a roadside cross we stay because we don’t know where else to go.