Changes

26 10 2009

The devil that you know is better than the one you don’t”

Goodbye sex is bittersweet.┬áViolent, amazing, exhausting, delicious and rough but still bittersweet. He grabbed my neck and looked at me while I rode him and said ‘right now, I can only think of you,’ and I almost started crying. I’m now alone in my own bed instead of his. It’s an odd feeling. A sad feeling.

A lot has happened in the last week. A lot of changes have occurred. Some for the better, some for the worst and some that just plain hurt. I’m not going to go into what happened on this blog. It’s not my place. What happened this week is between X and I, and it’s mostly X’s story to tell. And I happen to know he would not want it told on this blog.

He and I are broken right now. But we’re trying to get to the point where we can fix things. I’m not sure if we’ll ever be as close. And we won’t be sleeping together anymore. But I hope we can fix things. Because I’m hurt really bad right now. And I hate it.

I thought about taking down my blog. But I can’t do that. I want to keep writing, to keep writing this.

My chest hurts bad right now. I got through this weekend with a steady stream of tequila. I’m hoping things get better from here. Because right now, I feel like the world is leaving me helpless and alone.

Like lonely ghosts at a roadside cross we stay because we don’t know where else to go.

[Song]


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5 responses

26 10 2009
Amy

I know I said it on twitter, but I’m sending you lots of virtual hugs and good vibes. It’s gonna suck for a while, but things will get better, I’m absolutely sure of it.

xxxx

26 10 2009
osbasso

Sorry to hear about that. But I have a feeling you’re going to bounce back quicker than you can imagine. Hang in there!

26 10 2009
elsiewrites

I hope you’re ok… I’m sorry things are crappy right now. Really hope it gets better soon. I hope you don’t take your blog down… I would miss reading about you and your adventures.

Hugs and Kisses and Good Thoughts your way…
Elsie

26 10 2009
dayglow

Even though I don’t know you IRL, I feel like I’ve gotten to know you through this blog, and I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now. I love your blog, and I would hate to see it go, so please go with your impulse and keep writing. I wish the best for you. You don’t know me from anyone, either, but I’ll tell you I am going through a very hard time in my relationship right now, too, and I know how much it sucks. ((((Z))))

30 10 2009
ianuk74

I hope you stay and I hope you aren’t hurting bad. I would miss your blogging too much if you dissapeared.

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