21 02 2010

A lot of bad stuff has happened recently in my personal life.

I’m going to be going on hiatus indefinitely. I hope that I will be back, but right now I’ve got nothing to write about and no will or desire to write, even if I had material. I may be posting toy reviews, just to catch up, but that will probably be it.

Shockwave Vibrator

13 02 2010

I recently reviewed a vibrator for The Adult Toy Shoppe.

It had promise as the vibrations of the toy were quite unique. Unfortunately, it broke shortly after I began using it. It had, from what I could tell, an unusual thumping vibration that felt quite good. Unfortunately, the speed dial on the Shock Wave Vibrator died midway through the first use.

Overall, I think this would have been a better vibrator if it had not broken, but oh well. It’s a nice size so perhaps it will make a good dildo if my other ones just don’t suffice. I give this a 2 out of 10 if only because it broke so shortly after use.


10 02 2010

Well. Life got fun again.

I was in the ER with X on Monday for leg pain similar to the pain he had in September when he had bloodclots. They said he was fine. He woke up today in excruciating pain so I brought him to the ER again. He has two more blood clots in his left leg. One is 12cm long…..

I may or may not be posting on here very much in the coming weeks. I’m a bit stressed right now.

All I ask is that everyone send X some happy/positive/get better soon thoughts. I know he’s appreciate them.

<3 Z

Let’s Play Pretend

7 02 2010

I feel like maybe I should have been offended. But I’m not. At all.

X and I watched Zach and Miri Make a Porno Friday night. (Hysterical movie, if you haven’t seen it I suggest renting it.) Now, one of the actresses in the movie is actually the mainstream porn actress Katie Morgan. X has a bit of a crush on her. I think she’s his favorite pornstar, with Bree Olson and Scarlett Pain coming in close seconds. (Correct me if I’m wrong, hun.)

So of course, once we got done with the movie his computer comes out and he’s looking up Katie Morgan porn. I didn’t mind. I happen to find her adorable. She’s not my personal favorite but she’s not exactly ugly. Haha. We start looking at clips and then we find a longer video, some 20 or 30mins of Katie Morgan in a threesome. Hands wander, his cock gets hard as I stoke it gently, and my pussy is getting wet.

We end up fucking while watching the video. We start off spooning, his cock sliding in and out of me while I moan. But when Katie Morgan starts getting fucked doggie-style, X pulls me up and puts me in a similar position. As we fuck, I talk a little bit. I ask him if he likes watching her get fucked like that. He moans yes. I ask him if he wishes he could fuck her. Another yes. The video on the screen changes to a view of Katie’s pussy being fucked by a large cock, its the only thing you can see on the screen. Despite moaning and grinding back against him, I think to ask him a question, though I’m not sure what the answer will be.

“Are you imagining you’re fucking her right now, baby?”

There is a pause, “Yes…”

I think I surprised him by moaning.

“Mmm. That’s it….fuck me like you’d fuck her. Fuck me like I’m Katie Morgan. Pretend your cock is sliding in and out of her hot little pussy…”

He didn’t really say much more after that. Just moan and groaned and fucked me hard. When he got close to cumming I told him to pretend he was about to shoot a load in Katie Morgan’s cunt.

He came harder than I think he has in a while, at least with me. His orgasm was honestly comparable to the ones he has when he fucks my ass. So I just assumed it was really good.

The point I suppose I’m getting at here is that I had absolutely no problem allowing and encouraging him to pretend I was the pornstar he was watching on the screen. He admitted that he was a bit surprised that I was okay with it. And last night even mentioned about how he wanted to maybe ‘fuck Bree Olson’ tomorrow night. I just giggled and reminded him that it wouldn’t be an everyday thing.

I feel like some women would be seriously offended if their lover/husband/boyfriend/fiance/fuck buddy openly pretended that they were another woman. I’m just basing this off some girls I know here at my University. They’d take it as a personal offense and a comment about their attractiveness/sex appeal.

That’s not how I view it though. The way I see it? He’s still fucking me. Just like with roleplay, we both know that I’m me and he’s him. It’s just a suspension of reality for the purpose of fulfilling a fantasy he knows he’ll never realize. X doesn’t know any pornstars and has no way to meet any, so he and I both know it’s super unlikely he’ll ever get to fuck the real Katie Morgan or Scarlett Pain. Letting him pretend that he’s the guy on the screen fucking the pornstar is just another kind of roleplay. And as long as you understand that he KNOWS he’s still fucking you I don’t see why women would get upset.

X still made me cum. The sex was still really good. So I don’t see why I shouldn’t let him indulge in this particular fantasy. Especially if it makes him cum as hard as it did.  For me listening, watching and feeling him cum as hard as he did? That’s almost as good as having an orgasm myself. :)

Plan B

7 02 2010

I went to the drug store today and I got my very first emergency contraception.

Now,  never really honestly thought that I’d have to get ‘Plan B’ ever. X and I are typically very careful when it comes to pregnancy prevention. Now, we’re not exactly  super safe because we don’t use condoms with each other. I don’t really see the need to use condoms with X because he and I are comfortable with each other and we’re responsible enough to understand the risk we’re taking. We’ve sat down and had the discussion about the risk and what we’d do if something happened. I am on birth control too, and I take it regularly. So again, we’ve never had an issue where we were worried about me getting pregnant.

This weekend is a different story. I had been on antibiotics this past week to get rid of a budding UTI. I had made sure X knew that he couldn’t cum inside me when we had sex since my birth control might not be effective. However, Saturday I was due to start a new pill pack. So Friday night I felt comfortable enough to let him cum inside me. That was my mistake. I really should have told him to pull out but we were in the heat of the moment. Shrug.

The next morning we go to get my birthcontrol refilled and the Pharmacist informs me that my prescription is out and he’ll need to call my doctor to get a refill. My doctor is from the Student Health Center which is closed on the weekends. He says he’ll give her a call on Monday. I go home and go about my day and after I give it some thought I tell X that I’m going to go get Plan B the next morning (which by that point would be like 30 or so hours since we had sex).

I decided to get it because I’d rather be paranoid and spend 42$ now than find out in a month or two that I’ll be having a baby which costs a hell of a lot more than 42$.

So there is my story for today. Got my very first Plan B pill. Just went in, said I needed Plan B, paid for it and left. It was nice.

It’s MY life.

4 02 2010

Yesterday I received some nasty comments on my most recent blog post. (I apologize in advance for language or offending anyone. I honestly am both upset and pissed off.)

Before I begin, I just want to clarifying:

  • Personal Life: includes home, family, school, friends, classes, personal relationships, etc.

As for those comments, I took them off my blog because well, it’s my blog. The content of the comments, mainly one, was what really bothered me. I can take creepers, I can take judgmental people, but something about this comment really pissed me off.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You want to be ‘only a sex blog’ but then you want to pour your heart out and garner sympathy. Then you say “Wait, no, ignore this,” as you dump your confusion out. Make up your mind. People want to care and want to be a part of it, but your attitude sucks and drives them away. Then you wonder why people don’t comment more…. because you’re mean and self-centered, maybe?”

Now, I’m PRETTY damn sure this is the same person who asked me this on Formspring. If not, then I’m damn sure they read it.:

What happened with you and X a month or so ago where you thought it might all be screwed up?”

I answered honestly:

“That’s a private matter. If I don’t post about it on my blog that usually means it’s off limits.

I understand that people are curious about things like that. But I have a SEX blog. Not a relationship blog. I blog about the sex. I don’t enjoy going into the problems and issues X and I might have. Frankly, they’re no one’s business but ours. And I plan to keep them that way.”

The instance the person was questioning? It was a HIGHLY personal issue that had very little, if anything, to do with sex. Oh. And did I mention that X specifically asked me not to post about that issue on my blog? I even mentioned that in my post:

“I’m not going to go into what happened on this blog. It’s not my place. What happened this week is between X and I, and it’s mostly X’s story to tell. And I happen to know he would not want it told on this blog.”

Again, it was extremely personal. And honestly? I didn’t want advice on it. I didn’t want opinions on it. I sure as HELL didn’t want sympathy because of it. And well, I just didn’t even want to talk about it. I STILL don’t like talking about it. And call me a hypocrite, I don’t care. “You write a sex blog,” You ask, ‘Sex is ‘highly personal’ so how can you not like posting about ALL things highly personal?’ I’m a very sexual person. If you know me in real life, you know I lovelovelove talking about sex. But I usually don’t like discussing my personal life. I got a proverbial smack in the face MANY times in the past few years for ‘oversharing’ about personal issues relating to X and I, mainly our fights. It’s changed my policy on discussing it as a whole, in real life and on my blog.

Also, I’m trying to live a less stressful life. I don’t want to stress. And sometimes? Writing out every little detail about a personal problem makes me dwell on the little things more. See my New Years Resolutions. I’m trying to AVOID sweating the small stuff.

Now, because the former debater in me likes breaking arguments down, let’s do a little analysis of that lovely comment above.

“Oh for heaven’s sake. You want to be ‘only a sex blog’ but then you want to pour your heart out and garner sympathy. Then you say “Wait, no, ignore this,” as you dump your confusion out. Make up your mind.”

  1. I am, and only have ever been, ‘only a sex blog.’ I don’t blog about books, or food, or movies, or deep philosophical thoughts. I blog about my sex life, review toys, write erotica, write articles about sex, post HNTs and some times discuss personal issues that are directly related to sex.
  2. Garnering sympathy? Erm. No. The note on the bottom of that post was supposed to make people aware that the post was a written at a moment in time that had passed and I wasn’t asking for advice on it. It was just cathartic for me to write it all out.
  3. Finally, make up my mind? It’s my damn blog I’ll post whatever I want. I’m sorry my post was about the confusion and upset that I was feeling because X and I had only had sex once in two weeks. I apologize for that not being suitable for a ‘only sex blog.’

“People want to care and want to be a part of it, but your attitude sucks and drives them away.”

  1. I know people care and there is nothing wrong with that. It makes me happy people care. But just because they care doesn’t give them a right to information that I don’t want to share. As a fellow blogger said to me earlier: “It’s not like they’re entitled to know about your personal life just because they read your blog, and its wrong of them to think that.”
  2. They want to be a part of it?  Did you ever think that just because I don’t mind discussing my sex life online doesn’t mean that I automatically want the readers of my blog to be a part of my personal life, that I want them to be involved in things not related to sex? If you ‘want to be a part of it’ then email me. Talk to me. Establish a friendship. I have a couple readers that have done that, one of whom I do talk to about problems in my life. But that’s because he stood out and wanted to get to know me, he wasn’t just some face in the crowd. I don’t want to post about every nuance of my life on to my blog. And I don’t want my readers to be a part of my personal life. I love them and appreciate them right where they are: in my sex blog life.
  3. I really don’t see how my attitude sucks. I’m blunt. I don’t coddle people. Sometimes my comments are a bit bitchy, yes. But that’s just who I am as a person.
  4. I don’t see how I drive readers away either. I bring in a steady, significant number of readers even when I haven’t posted in weeks and that always spikes up fairly high when I post more regularly.

“Then you wonder why people don’t comment more…. because you’re mean and self-centered, maybe?”

  1. I don’t think I’ve ever posted anything about ‘wondering why people don’t comment more.’ I say I like comments. But who doesn’t? And honestly, I’m not complaining about the number of comments I get.
  2. Mean? Hmm. No. Blunt? Yes. Logical? Yes.
  3. Self-centered? Was that intended as an insult? It’s a bit redundant. Of course I’m a bit self-centered. I was narcissistic enough to think people would read if I started a blog about my sex life! Lol.

In the end, this is my blog. I’ll post what I want to. Yes. When I first started blogging I was much more open about a few personal issues. But then I got emails asking for personal information. I got messages from people acting like they had a connection with me. I got nasty comments on highly personal and emotional posts like this comment here:

“ ….Are you kidding me? You are the lowest of the low. It’s actually really disgusting. Your friends may be overreacting about the rest of it but they’re right about this part. You’re living a lie. It’s pathetic. I’d be surprised to hear if you even had one friend. (Obviously one that actually knows the truth.)….”

That was about the time I decided that personal information on my blog was a no go. I’d blog about the sex but not much more than that. I just got too many nasty comments. Some I deleted. Some I left up.

My point is just that as a sex blogger, I have absolutely no obligation to let my readers in on aspects of my private life. The fact that I got nasty comments about that is both upsetting and disconcerting. If I wanted my personal life to become pubic I wouldn’t go to great lengths to not show my face, to avoid mention of identifying details, and I wouldn’t use letters for people’s names. I’m anonymous for a reason.

Hokay. Done with that rant right there. Honestly, most of you guys are amazing and wonderful to talk to. It’s the rare few that get mean that ruin it for me at times.


3 02 2010

I miss what we don’t seem to have anymore.

The spark seems to have died or at least has been extinguished to the point of being a smoldering coal on the verge of becoming cold. I feel like I’m not attractive to him anymore. I feel like he’s become bored with me and bored with what I can give him. And those thoughts, whether they’re true or not, they hurt. A deep throbbing ache in my chest.

He rarely kisses me anymore. It’s ‘too relationshippy,’ he tells me. I miss how he’d just pull me to him and kiss me hard and how when we were apart he’d tell me how much he missed kissing me. No more being pressed against a wall, hands wandering as his mouth drifts down to kiss and bite my neck. He doesn’t kiss me much during sex either, sometimes even moving his head to avoid my attempts to kiss him. I miss the casual pecks on the lips, the long slow kisses and the hard, desperate kisses we used to share.

There was a point in time where he wanted me often. He’d IM me or text me and tell me how badly he wanted me. And when we’d see each other later that day, he’d be on me in seconds. We’d sometimes skip class to have sex. We’d sometimes have sex twice a day. There would be weeks where we’d fuck every day. Now I’m lucky if we have sex once a week. Now I’m lucky if I’m able to get him to cum. Now I’m lucky if I’m able to turn him on when I want sex. I give him blowjobs when he feels like sex is ‘too much work’ but I don’t get oral in return. I don’t even get fingered.

There was a point in time where he’d text me little things like telling me that I’m fun or cute. He used to say ‘goodnight gorgeous’ or ‘goodbye sexy’ when signing offline. And ‘Hello beautiful’ or  ’Hey cutie’ when he first IMed me. Now it’s just a plain’hello’ and ‘bye.’ I miss how things used to be. I miss how much more interested in me he seemed. Now, I see him almost every day but I feel like most days he doesn’t actually ’see’ me.

The sex is still amazing. We still have chemistry. Which is what makes this hard. The sex hasn’t changed much, just the frequency and the enthusiasm. The passion between us feels like it’s gone. And I hate it. I want it back. But I’m not sure it’ll ever come back. I hate how things have changed. I hate how his interest in me has waned.

And he tells me it’s not just me. He’s not interested in sex at all right now. But it’s not the sex that worries me. It’s the fact that he doesn’t seem interested in ME anymore.

[Note: I don't want a bunch of people telling me what to do about this. I just needed to write this out to get if off my chest. X and I are fine. Things are just weird at the moment and I needed somewhere to put it into words. This was how I was feeling at one particular moment in time. That moment has passed. No worries. Lol]

Ask Phaedra #3

1 02 2010

As some of you may have noticed, I’ve been answering questions on Formspring recently. It’s a pretty nifty little website that lets you ask me questions that I can then answer. However, I know some of my readers don’t go over to that site, so I figured I would post the answers to the questions here since there have been some that I’ve answered that may contain information I haven’t posted on my blog. If there is something that hasn’t been answered yet, don’t be afraid to ask me. Just click here!

How many times did you and X have sex this weekend?

We didn’t have sex this weekend. Last time was Wednesday or Thursday, I think. I was sick and he’s been stressed. We weren’t really in the mood.

I find it funny people assume that he and I go at it constantly. When we haven’t seen each other for a long time, yeah, we have a week or so where we can’t keep our hands off each other, where we have sex once or twice every day. On average we only have sex a few times a week. So the weeks where we fuck almost every day and the weeks where we don’t fuck at all end up evening out.

Most exposed public place you’d had sex in?

A college dorm room. Bent over and holding on to the window ledge while the window was open. It was late at night though. Yeah. Never really done the public sex thing before.

Do you think a girl can make money doing webcam work?

Erm. I’m sure you could. But I’m not sure why you’re asking me this question….

Jealousy and STDs – two of the bigger obstacles to three or more-somes. How can/should they be handled from the woman’s perspective?

I’m not going to answer this here as I’m currently planning a ‘Threesomes 101′ and both of those will be covered in there.

Would you ever consider filming yourself having anal sex with X?


Favourite place in your house to masturbate in?

Odd question…… do people masturbate in their kitchens or living rooms or something? I guess I’m old fashioned. I only masturbate in my bed.

What new horizons do you think you’ll discover, sexually, when you are, say, 40?

Honestly? I’m not really sure….. I mean, I’ve explored a lot of stuff already…..I don’t think I’ll be really ‘discovering’ anything sexually when I’m 40.

Favorite place to take a guys load?

Pussy if it’s X. Face/boobs if it’s guys I don’t know as well.

I just read the Wine Makes Me Easy post and can’t wait for the next part of the story. Does thinking about your blog stories and writing them get you turned on?

:) Well, I don’t know if/when I’ll write a second part, but we’ll see. Maybe if enough people like it.

And sometimes thinking about my blog stories and writing them turns me on, but sometimes not. I mean, most of what I write about has happened to me. If it doesn’t say ‘_____ Fantasy’ in the title or if I don’t mention it’s a fantasy in the post, then its happened to me.

Bottomline: I don’t usually get insanely turned on. But I will get a little horny at times when I’m writing.

I love the video, and would love to see more! Any chance we could see a creampie in an upcoming photo?

Hahaha. Well, X does love creampie-ing me. I’m not making any promises but it could happen. I’ll talk to him later and see what he thinks.