It’s MY life.

4 02 2010

Yesterday I received some nasty comments on my most recent blog post. (I apologize in advance for language or offending anyone. I honestly am both upset and pissed off.)

Before I begin, I just want to clarifying:

  • Personal Life: includes home, family, school, friends, classes, personal relationships, etc.

As for those comments, I took them off my blog because well, it’s my blog. The content of the comments, mainly one, was what really bothered me. I can take creepers, I can take judgmental people, but something about this comment really pissed me off.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You want to be ‘only a sex blog’ but then you want to pour your heart out and garner sympathy. Then you say “Wait, no, ignore this,” as you dump your confusion out. Make up your mind. People want to care and want to be a part of it, but your attitude sucks and drives them away. Then you wonder why people don’t comment more…. because you’re mean and self-centered, maybe?”

Now, I’m PRETTY damn sure this is the same person who asked me this on Formspring. If not, then I’m damn sure they read it.:

What happened with you and X a month or so ago where you thought it might all be screwed up?”

I answered honestly:

“That’s a private matter. If I don’t post about it on my blog that usually means it’s off limits.

I understand that people are curious about things like that. But I have a SEX blog. Not a relationship blog. I blog about the sex. I don’t enjoy going into the problems and issues X and I might have. Frankly, they’re no one’s business but ours. And I plan to keep them that way.”

The instance the person was questioning? It was a HIGHLY personal issue that had very little, if anything, to do with sex. Oh. And did I mention that X specifically asked me not to post about that issue on my blog? I even mentioned that in my post:

“I’m not going to go into what happened on this blog. It’s not my place. What happened this week is between X and I, and it’s mostly X’s story to tell. And I happen to know he would not want it told on this blog.”

Again, it was extremely personal. And honestly? I didn’t want advice on it. I didn’t want opinions on it. I sure as HELL didn’t want sympathy because of it. And well, I just didn’t even want to talk about it. I STILL don’t like talking about it. And call me a hypocrite, I don’t care. “You write a sex blog,” You ask, ‘Sex is ‘highly personal’ so how can you not like posting about ALL things highly personal?’ I’m a very sexual person. If you know me in real life, you know I lovelovelove talking about sex. But I usually don’t like discussing my personal life. I got a proverbial smack in the face MANY times in the past few years for ‘oversharing’ about personal issues relating to X and I, mainly our fights. It’s changed my policy on discussing it as a whole, in real life and on my blog.

Also, I’m trying to live a less stressful life. I don’t want to stress. And sometimes? Writing out every little detail about a personal problem makes me dwell on the little things more. See my New Years Resolutions. I’m trying to AVOID sweating the small stuff.

Now, because the former debater in me likes breaking arguments down, let’s do a little analysis of that lovely comment above.

“Oh for heaven’s sake. You want to be ‘only a sex blog’ but then you want to pour your heart out and garner sympathy. Then you say “Wait, no, ignore this,” as you dump your confusion out. Make up your mind.”

  1. I am, and only have ever been, ‘only a sex blog.’ I don’t blog about books, or food, or movies, or deep philosophical thoughts. I blog about my sex life, review toys, write erotica, write articles about sex, post HNTs and some times discuss personal issues that are directly related to sex.
  2. Garnering sympathy? Erm. No. The note on the bottom of that post was supposed to make people aware that the post was a written at a moment in time that had passed and I wasn’t asking for advice on it. It was just cathartic for me to write it all out.
  3. Finally, make up my mind? It’s my damn blog I’ll post whatever I want. I’m sorry my post was about the confusion and upset that I was feeling because X and I had only had sex once in two weeks. I apologize for that not being suitable for a ‘only sex blog.’

“People want to care and want to be a part of it, but your attitude sucks and drives them away.”

  1. I know people care and there is nothing wrong with that. It makes me happy people care. But just because they care doesn’t give them a right to information that I don’t want to share. As a fellow blogger said to me earlier: “It’s not like they’re entitled to know about your personal life just because they read your blog, and its wrong of them to think that.”
  2. They want to be a part of it?  Did you ever think that just because I don’t mind discussing my sex life online doesn’t mean that I automatically want the readers of my blog to be a part of my personal life, that I want them to be involved in things not related to sex? If you ‘want to be a part of it’ then email me. Talk to me. Establish a friendship. I have a couple readers that have done that, one of whom I do talk to about problems in my life. But that’s because he stood out and wanted to get to know me, he wasn’t just some face in the crowd. I don’t want to post about every nuance of my life on to my blog. And I don’t want my readers to be a part of my personal life. I love them and appreciate them right where they are: in my sex blog life.
  3. I really don’t see how my attitude sucks. I’m blunt. I don’t coddle people. Sometimes my comments are a bit bitchy, yes. But that’s just who I am as a person.
  4. I don’t see how I drive readers away either. I bring in a steady, significant number of readers even when I haven’t posted in weeks and that always spikes up fairly high when I post more regularly.

“Then you wonder why people don’t comment more…. because you’re mean and self-centered, maybe?”

  1. I don’t think I’ve ever posted anything about ‘wondering why people don’t comment more.’ I say I like comments. But who doesn’t? And honestly, I’m not complaining about the number of comments I get.
  2. Mean? Hmm. No. Blunt? Yes. Logical? Yes.
  3. Self-centered? Was that intended as an insult? It’s a bit redundant. Of course I’m a bit self-centered. I was narcissistic enough to think people would read if I started a blog about my sex life! Lol.

In the end, this is my blog. I’ll post what I want to. Yes. When I first started blogging I was much more open about a few personal issues. But then I got emails asking for personal information. I got messages from people acting like they had a connection with me. I got nasty comments on highly personal and emotional posts like this comment here:

“ ….Are you kidding me? You are the lowest of the low. It’s actually really disgusting. Your friends may be overreacting about the rest of it but they’re right about this part. You’re living a lie. It’s pathetic. I’d be surprised to hear if you even had one friend. (Obviously one that actually knows the truth.)….”

That was about the time I decided that personal information on my blog was a no go. I’d blog about the sex but not much more than that. I just got too many nasty comments. Some I deleted. Some I left up.

My point is just that as a sex blogger, I have absolutely no obligation to let my readers in on aspects of my private life. The fact that I got nasty comments about that is both upsetting and disconcerting. If I wanted my personal life to become pubic I wouldn’t go to great lengths to not show my face, to avoid mention of identifying details, and I wouldn’t use letters for people’s names. I’m anonymous for a reason.

Hokay. Done with that rant right there. Honestly, most of you guys are amazing and wonderful to talk to. It’s the rare few that get mean that ruin it for me at times.