It’s MY life.

4 02 2010

Yesterday I received some nasty comments on my most recent blog post. (I apologize in advance for language or offending anyone. I honestly am both upset and pissed off.)

Before I begin, I just want to clarifying:

  • Personal Life: includes home, family, school, friends, classes, personal relationships, etc.

As for those comments, I took them off my blog because well, it’s my blog. The content of the comments, mainly one, was what really bothered me. I can take creepers, I can take judgmental people, but something about this comment really pissed me off.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You want to be ‘only a sex blog’ but then you want to pour your heart out and garner sympathy. Then you say “Wait, no, ignore this,” as you dump your confusion out. Make up your mind. People want to care and want to be a part of it, but your attitude sucks and drives them away. Then you wonder why people don’t comment more…. because you’re mean and self-centered, maybe?”

Now, I’m PRETTY damn sure this is the same person who asked me this on Formspring. If not, then I’m damn sure they read it.:

What happened with you and X a month or so ago where you thought it might all be screwed up?”

I answered honestly:

“That’s a private matter. If I don’t post about it on my blog that usually means it’s off limits.

I understand that people are curious about things like that. But I have a SEX blog. Not a relationship blog. I blog about the sex. I don’t enjoy going into the problems and issues X and I might have. Frankly, they’re no one’s business but ours. And I plan to keep them that way.”

The instance the person was questioning? It was a HIGHLY personal issue that had very little, if anything, to do with sex. Oh. And did I mention that X specifically asked me not to post about that issue on my blog? I even mentioned that in my post:

“I’m not going to go into what happened on this blog. It’s not my place. What happened this week is between X and I, and it’s mostly X’s story to tell. And I happen to know he would not want it told on this blog.”

Again, it was extremely personal. And honestly? I didn’t want advice on it. I didn’t want opinions on it. I sure as HELL didn’t want sympathy because of it. And well, I just didn’t even want to talk about it. I STILL don’t like talking about it. And call me a hypocrite, I don’t care. “You write a sex blog,” You ask, ‘Sex is ‘highly personal’ so how can you not like posting about ALL things highly personal?’ I’m a very sexual person. If you know me in real life, you know I lovelovelove talking about sex. But I usually don’t like discussing my personal life. I got a proverbial smack in the face MANY times in the past few years for ‘oversharing’ about personal issues relating to X and I, mainly our fights. It’s changed my policy on discussing it as a whole, in real life and on my blog.

Also, I’m trying to live a less stressful life. I don’t want to stress. And sometimes? Writing out every little detail about a personal problem makes me dwell on the little things more. See my New Years Resolutions. I’m trying to AVOID sweating the small stuff.

Now, because the former debater in me likes breaking arguments down, let’s do a little analysis of that lovely comment above.

“Oh for heaven’s sake. You want to be ‘only a sex blog’ but then you want to pour your heart out and garner sympathy. Then you say “Wait, no, ignore this,” as you dump your confusion out. Make up your mind.”

  1. I am, and only have ever been, ‘only a sex blog.’ I don’t blog about books, or food, or movies, or deep philosophical thoughts. I blog about my sex life, review toys, write erotica, write articles about sex, post HNTs and some times discuss personal issues that are directly related to sex.
  2. Garnering sympathy? Erm. No. The note on the bottom of that post was supposed to make people aware that the post was a written at a moment in time that had passed and I wasn’t asking for advice on it. It was just cathartic for me to write it all out.
  3. Finally, make up my mind? It’s my damn blog I’ll post whatever I want. I’m sorry my post was about the confusion and upset that I was feeling because X and I had only had sex once in two weeks. I apologize for that not being suitable for a ‘only sex blog.’

“People want to care and want to be a part of it, but your attitude sucks and drives them away.”

  1. I know people care and there is nothing wrong with that. It makes me happy people care. But just because they care doesn’t give them a right to information that I don’t want to share. As a fellow blogger said to me earlier: “It’s not like they’re entitled to know about your personal life just because they read your blog, and its wrong of them to think that.”
  2. They want to be a part of it?  Did you ever think that just because I don’t mind discussing my sex life online doesn’t mean that I automatically want the readers of my blog to be a part of my personal life, that I want them to be involved in things not related to sex? If you ‘want to be a part of it’ then email me. Talk to me. Establish a friendship. I have a couple readers that have done that, one of whom I do talk to about problems in my life. But that’s because he stood out and wanted to get to know me, he wasn’t just some face in the crowd. I don’t want to post about every nuance of my life on to my blog. And I don’t want my readers to be a part of my personal life. I love them and appreciate them right where they are: in my sex blog life.
  3. I really don’t see how my attitude sucks. I’m blunt. I don’t coddle people. Sometimes my comments are a bit bitchy, yes. But that’s just who I am as a person.
  4. I don’t see how I drive readers away either. I bring in a steady, significant number of readers even when I haven’t posted in weeks and that always spikes up fairly high when I post more regularly.

“Then you wonder why people don’t comment more…. because you’re mean and self-centered, maybe?”

  1. I don’t think I’ve ever posted anything about ‘wondering why people don’t comment more.’ I say I like comments. But who doesn’t? And honestly, I’m not complaining about the number of comments I get.
  2. Mean? Hmm. No. Blunt? Yes. Logical? Yes.
  3. Self-centered? Was that intended as an insult? It’s a bit redundant. Of course I’m a bit self-centered. I was narcissistic enough to think people would read if I started a blog about my sex life! Lol.

In the end, this is my blog. I’ll post what I want to. Yes. When I first started blogging I was much more open about a few personal issues. But then I got emails asking for personal information. I got messages from people acting like they had a connection with me. I got nasty comments on highly personal and emotional posts like this comment here:

“ ….Are you kidding me? You are the lowest of the low. It’s actually really disgusting. Your friends may be overreacting about the rest of it but they’re right about this part. You’re living a lie. It’s pathetic. I’d be surprised to hear if you even had one friend. (Obviously one that actually knows the truth.)….”

That was about the time I decided that personal information on my blog was a no go. I’d blog about the sex but not much more than that. I just got too many nasty comments. Some I deleted. Some I left up.

My point is just that as a sex blogger, I have absolutely no obligation to let my readers in on aspects of my private life. The fact that I got nasty comments about that is both upsetting and disconcerting. If I wanted my personal life to become pubic I wouldn’t go to great lengths to not show my face, to avoid mention of identifying details, and I wouldn’t use letters for people’s names. I’m anonymous for a reason.

Hokay. Done with that rant right there. Honestly, most of you guys are amazing and wonderful to talk to. It’s the rare few that get mean that ruin it for me at times.


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11 responses

4 02 2010
Osbasso

Dammit! I like it when you’re feisty!

Don’t get apologetic for whatever it is that you write ON YOUR OWN BLOG! I love those who think that they get to dictate your content to you!

4 02 2010
Z

If I ever get apologetic for writing what I feel like writing on my own blog it’s more than likely intended to be a sarcastic apology. Hahaha. I don’t see the point in letting people dictate what they think should be on my blog.

4 02 2010
Amy

I’m sorry you got upset about this girly. I don’t understand why anyone would ever leave nasty comments, especially to you! You’re right, it’s your blog and you can post (or not post) whatever the damn well you please! I hate that when you did post about your personal life you got all that hate, no one gets to judge you – I’m sure you’ll agree that people having different opinions to you is one thing but insulting you right out? Grrrr…. I guess you could think of it as a warped compliment – you inspire a strong enough reaction to provoke mean comments. Hmmm maybe that’s not so comforting
*big hugs*
xxxxxxx

4 02 2010
Z

That’s a good way to put it, a ‘warped compliment.’ :) I like that. I personally think that people hide behind the anonymity that the internet provides. That’s not always a bad thing. However, it lets people say mean things they’d never typically say to some they actually knew. Sort of a ‘It’s over the internet, who cares if I tell this person how awful they are!? They don’t know who the hell I am!!’ thing.

Hugs.

4 02 2010
Nick

I’m sorry but I couldn’t let this go by without throwing in a whisper on behalf of the happy lurkers out there. Your blog is fantastic, I love reading it because your refreshing openness is a wonderful breath of air through the usual vacuum of reality in most descriptions of sex. By that I mean emotionally sanitised, all too mechanical and seeming to happen in an unreal world. When you let it go and give us a bit of context it seems to make it all more meaningful. As far as I know there are only a few of your peers who are similarly honest. Huge respect to you all.

For the (slightly less) silent majority, please don’t let this/these fuckwits spoil what you do and enjoy.

Thank you!
X

4 02 2010
Z

Thank you. I mean that honestly. It’s comments like yours that make up for comments like the one this post was spurred on by.

<3

4 02 2010
John

While I can understand a need to vent, why post something on a blog when you want no advice, opinions, feedback and don’t want to talk about it at all? Why post it? If you just needed to get it out, you could have wrote in a notepad. Wrote in microsoft word or some other such program. Hell, done it here and left it as a draft or posted it and disabled the comments.

Posting about your private life is going to have some people poking their nose where it doesn’t belong. Seems to me if you didnt want to talk about it & only needed to vent, an email to a friend or two (blog buddies or otherwise) would have done just fine and not caused any drama.

Post what you want. Ignore what you want. Do whatever you want. Your blog, your life, you have the control. But dont expect that people wont ever poke, pry or be a dick about whatever you post.

5 02 2010
Z

I posted it because it was related to sex and it was a feeling I’m sure many people have felt or could relate to. My blog isn’t just about providing people with dirty material to jerk off to. And I actually waited two days after I wrote it to make sure it wasn’t something I would regret posting.

Also, I’ve never said I’m opposed in the least to advice, opinions, feedback and discussion. I think you misread this post and mushed everything I said together. I said that I did not want advice on THAT POST/THAT SITUATION. Not overall. I was having a bad week and I wrote about what was bothering me. Two days later, things aren’t quite the same as they were. Thus me saying that the post was ‘how I felt at a moment in time.’ Since that moment was passed, advice would have been useless. That was all I was trying to convey.

My overall beef is with people not satisfied when I say: ‘This is the gist of what happened. This is the basics of what’s going on right now. But I don’t want to discuss the nitty gritty because it’s very personal.’ All I’m trying to say in this post is that I should not be getting mean comments from people who feel entitled to know personal information I’m not comfortable sharing with the internet.

5 02 2010
Britni TheVadgeWig

Good for you for speaking your mind. If people continue to post rude and unnecessary shit in the future, I say just delete it, or do away with anonymous comments. Like you said, it’s YOUR life and YOUR blog. Do what you want with it <3

5 02 2010
Secret Things

Let me join the chorus of folks saying: Good for you!
Comments are a fine place to express all sorts of thoughts and opinions, but should not be a place to tell you what to post or not to post.

7 02 2010
X

Z, I was there when you got that comment, I was there when you got more angry and upset about it than I have seen you get in a long, long time, and I think you handled it wonderfully here. To the person who made that comment to her, let me tell you that you are lucky Z was the one who responded to what you said and not me.

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