Mental Breakdown

11 11 2008

I’ve never been so close to losing touch with reality as I was on Sunday.

It was honestly scary. Mostly because I’m not quite sure what set it off. I couldn’t stop crying and I just hurt. So badly.  I felt like everything around me was melting away and all that was left was me. And I have never felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin as much as I did that night. I wanted to peel my skin off and just cease to be me. At some point, I started scratching my right forearm. I didn’t realize I was doing it until I broke the skin adn started bleeding. And honestly, feeling that brought me back down to reality as sick as it is. I stopped doing that kind of shit years and years ago.

But now I have two long scabs that I’ve been covering up with bandaids.

I’ve hit a real low recently, and that’s why I’ve not been updating much or doing HNT. I’m going to try to get back into posting every other day or so. I had such plans……sigh.

Thankfully, I woke up and felt fine today. Thank god for X being an amazing friend and keeping me sane.

I haven’t had sex since friday. And I’m really horny. Is it sad that I get antsy after going without sex for a weekend? I told X that tomorrow is our veg out day. After he gets off work, I told him to come over. I’m planning on going to take my Public Admin test at noon. Then going and dropping off my Philosophy paper. And then going home and sleeping until he comes over. Then making him watch movies with me for the rest of the evening. Hopefully getting some sex in there.





Pathetic

10 09 2008

I haven’t had sex since Sunday.

And that sounds so pathetic and whiny of me, but it’s been almost three days. I can’t really help it if right before a certain time of the month I get so horny I feel like I could crawl out of my skin from being so antsy.

And X and I have both been busy. Which sucks. I mean, I get to hang out with him every Tuesday and Thursday before our two hour class together, but we keep things PG and it’s no fun. I’m thinking of telling him to get his ass over to my apartment instead tomorrow, so I can get a quickie before class.

School is killing me. Too much to do and it doesn’t seem like there’s enough time.





just a note

21 07 2008

I need sex right now.

It’s so sad. But it’s been one week since I’ve had sex and I’m desperately horny. My sex drive is not good for a poor, single girl like me. If I had my way, I’d honestly have sex at least twice a day.

X and I actually had a fight once because I got mad at him for not putting out enough. Mind you, we were fucking at least four times a week, sometimes five or six. But I wanted to go two or three times a day and I didn’t have the balls yet to just push him down on the bed and tease him until he was ready to explode. I complained that he didn’t fuck me enough and he laughed incredulously and said he’s never met a girl who complained about ‘not enough sex’ usually it was ‘too much sex.’

I laughed at him that night. Too much sex? I said. Impossible.