It might be about time to introduce The Girlfriend

11 07 2009

I really never thought I would get to this point.

X had just stopped in my hometown with the Girlfriend for dinner after doing some sort of weekendy thing together out near where I live. The dinner was Nice. Yes. Nice with a capital ‘N’. We got Italian food. And X and I settled pretty well into our usual routine of back and forth banter and making fun of each other. I felt a bit bad because we left The Girlfriend out of the conversation a bit. And I feel like a bad ‘hostess’ (yes. hostess. they were in my hometown. i felt responsible to make sure they enjoyed it. :P ) because I sorta knew we were leaving her out and I didn’t much care. I missed X too much and I was enjoying our back and forth conversation far too much.

X left to go to the restroom at some point and The Girlfriend and I exchanged casual conversation. And I admit. It was Awkward. Also with a capital ‘A’. I suppose I should explain why things were awkward.

For those of you late to the game or who don’t bother to read older posts: X and I have been having very regular, very amazing sex for over a year and a half now. I am his Mistress. (With a capital ‘M’) We had the conversation. She is The Girlfriend. I am The Mistress. It speaks either to my desperation or my apathy that I’m perfectly okay with this title. The Girlfriend only thinks X and I are friends. Friends who are uncommonly close, who’ve kissed a few times, and who had sex once. The episode last summer explains that bit. She hated me for a while. Not surprised. And I hated her for a long while. Almost as long as I’ve known X. But this past semester at school X asked me to give her a chance. He told me I was hating her unfairly. I still think she’s treated X shitty. And I still do not like some of the places she’s put him in. (maybe I’ll write a post about it someday) But just chalk it up to me being protective of my friends.

So basically. We’ve now met twice. We’re on semi-friendly, “Tell her I say hi!” terms. And I don’t hate her. My feeling about her are a bit mixed. But bottomline: she doesn’t know about X and I.

And this is where things get semi-fucked up. After they left I was texting with X. Out of the blue he tells me ‘The Girlfriend wants to know if you were wearing rings in your nipple piercings. she was checking out your boobs.’ Needless to say, I was A BIT taken aback. I mean. I did not expect that one. The conversation then progresses to guessing bra sizes. She got mine right the first time. I was totally off on hers. 34C for me and 32D for her. Though apparently mine are bigger according to X.

We started talking a bit about sextoys. And she asked if I had a strap-on. I said no. But I was hoping to get one to review (she knows I review sex toys. but she doesn’t know about my blog, really) and she mentioned that if she got to know me better she might be interested in testing it out with me.

X of course is overjoyed. It’s been a bit of a fantasy of his to watch his mistress fuck his girlfriend. So as of right now, when I go and visit X next week, some threesome-ish things might happen. And if they don’t. I’m pretty sure they’ll happen once school starts back up.

As fucked up as it is, I’m looking forward to it. The Girlfriend is cute. She’s not drop dead gorgeous or super sexy or anything. I think she’s about on the same level of attractiveness as me. Which isn’t bad at all. But I’m not gonna lie and pretend she looks like a supermodel. I sure as hell don’t. Haha. She looks like she has a really nice body though, nicer than mine. Which will make me a bit self-conscious about hooking up with her.

The whole thing is kind of a mind fuck for me. And in a very deliscious way. She’s the girlfriend. But if we had a threesome, I’d be the one with the power. Between the two of us, I know more simply by default. I don’t know. It’s just appealing to me. Plus, I love doing things that make X happy. And this is one of those things. I feel supremely dirty for being okay with it. I feel like my moral receptors have overloaded and died so I no longer feel a twinge when I do bad things like this. Part of my thinks that might be good though. Who knows. Maybe The Girlfriend will even get her own letter some day.

I fully expect to get reamed by some people for being okay with this. I expect people to warn me about the dangers of doing this. I know people will think I’m fucked up. Go ahead and comment. Let me know how you feel. But it’s not going to change how I feel about this or if I’m going to do it or not. Judge me all you want.

Video Games and Gangbangs

19 06 2009

How to turn a conversation about video games into a conversation about gangbangs:

X: I’m shooting terrorists
Z: fun! what game?
X: indeed! rainbow 6 vegas 2
Z: fun!  oh! i told you we have my brother’s xbox and his copy of left4dead and all his 360games for this year right? lol
X: I know. I’m bringing this too
Z: yay! is it fun?
X: AMAZING! you’ll suck at it though. lol
Z: why?!?!?!?!
X: because it takes some actual thought.  not just shooting randomly
Z: i can do that!!!!!
X: it’s really complicated
Z: hmph. i am insulted by your insinuation that i can’t do complicated video games. i played RPGs my whole childhood! those are complicated!
X: lol. this isn’t RPG complicated
X: this is “oh god there are 14 guys shooting me at once” complicated
X: then again,  you’re a whore
X: you’re used to that ;)
Z: hahahaha. true. i mean, i think i’d be okay with taking on 14 guys at once.
X: I’d be impressed
Z: why is that?
X: if you took on 14 guys? you would be REALLY fucking sore
Z: mmm. but it’d be really fucking fun!
X: lol oh?  you should put up flyers “looking for extras in a gangbang experiment”
Z: hahahahaha. you’d enjoy watching me get gangbanged. lol.
X: I would. I’d film it for you
Z: hehe. why? you wouldn’t want to participate?
X: lol, I’d be the first guy to dump his load in your pussy. the first of many. ;)
X: and then maybe we could find a girl who would be willing to eat it out of you
Z: hehehe. fun! i’d make you take me to get plan B as soon as it was over. fyi. haha
X: lol why is that?
Z: that much cum in my pussy? not sure i’d trust my birthcontrol with mass amounts of sperm
X: you’d love it though
Z: why do you think that? haha
X: you would love the thought that you had just had 14 guys dump load after load of cum deep in your pussy
Z: mmmm. true.

And this is why X is my best friend. Hahahahaha.

Cervix Killer

13 04 2009

Ow. Ow. Ow.

X and I had an amusing mishap today while having sex. I was on my stomach and he was fucking me from behind. It was a fairly new angle mostly because I was flat on my belly and he was pounding into me so hard I couldn’t keep quiet. I literally couldn’t stop the whimpers and moans that slipped out of my mouth because he was literally fucking me so hard he was pushing the air out of my lungs.

Usually, when really turned on, feeling him so deep he presses against my cervix actually feels amazing. Like when I’m on top and I take him as deep as I can inside me, I shiver a bit because it feels so good. Sadly, while I was really turned on earlier, he thrust inside me at a VERY wrong angle. He hit my cervix and I flinched and shifted my hips. Well, when you have someone fucking you that hard, they don’t have time to react when you move. He ended up trying to slide back in, only my pussy wasn’t where is had been and he slipped out and bent.

I was curled up on the bed fighting nausea and slight cramping. He was curled up next to me, obviously in pain. It just didn’t end well. Thank god I didn’t break him like I did the one time prior. I felt so bad. But it was kinda funny.

Thus, X has gone from being called Cervix Puncher to being called Cervix Killer.

(And on a side note, he jokingly slapped my ass so hard and in the worst spot today, that my leg went numb and I was in the most pain I’ve felt in a while. Oops on his part.)

Piercings and Other Updates

10 03 2009
  • Today I got both my nipples pierced along with a vertical clitoral hood piercing. I currently love all three. The nipples were a quick, dull pain that slowly ached and stabbed for a few hours and then shortly after cleanings. The clit? I did not expect it to hurt so much. It was a fast, sharp, electric bolt. I jumped a bit, arched my hips and cursed involentarily, my knuckles going white from gripping the table. But as soon as the pain faded seconds later, that was it. It hasn’t hurt since. But it feels damn good. No instant orgasms from walking, but still. I like it. I spent a lot of money to get them done, but it was worth it because the place was really clean, everything was sterile and the woman who did it was really good, really professional and really nice.
  • X and his gf broke up. Sorta. Kinda. Maybe? I dunno. To me it seems more like they’re on a break. I feel terrible because I know he’s hurting but at the same time I think this is really good for him. Sadly,I fully expect him and her to be back together within a week. I don’t think he has the balls to end things with her, especially if she cries and says she wants him back.
  • At home for spring break. Kinda bored. Kinda not. It’s nice though.
  • Nothing else too exciting either. Oh. I’m on MySpace. But that’s it. Nothing else too eventful.

Random Notes…

3 01 2009
  • I may or may not have left my bra in X’s bedroom before break. I don’t remember because silly things like that slip my mind while things like how nutmeg can actually be used as a hallucinogenic drug stick in my mind. He’s stopping there with the girlfriend to sleep tonight since he’s been driving back from wherever the hell he was for like 10 hours now. It would only be three hours more to just drive home. I don’t get why he wouldn’t but whatever. Part of me hopes I did leave my bra there and that she finds it just because it would amuse me a bit. But then I’d feel bad and guilty and etc. So I do hope I did grab it. But I only brought like 2 of my bras home for break. The one in question was obviously not one. I hope it’s at my apartment.
  • I am now on Twitter!! Come follow me and you too can experience my random thoughts and rants in a mini, 140 words or less, format!! You get spared the long winded versions I usually give X. :D
  • I NEED sex. It’s getting to the point where I’m nearly perpetually horny. Not fun.
  • I need to get home aka back to school. My mother hasn’t noticed yet but I’m slowly but surely bringing more and more of my things to school everytime I am in town. This makes it easier to not come home because then I don’t have to go home just to get things.
  • I’ve been toying around in my head possibly trying to get a position on my school newspaper writing sex/relationship articles. I dunno if it would even work but our paper doesn’t have something like that.  Not that I’m the most qualified person ever. I’ve only been having sex a little over a year and I’ve never been in a real relationship but I guess I just feel like I know. People come to me for relationship advice or sex advice and they seem to trust what I have to say. This just reinforces my theory that there are two things I’m really good at in life: Arguing and Sex. It’s so true. I seem to be a natural at both.
  • I feel myself getting depressed again. Being home is toxic and it just pulls me in more and more. My mother warps in new, odd ways every time I’m home. She complains I don’t spend enough time with her so I call off my last two days of work (I’ve NEVER called off work) so I can spend time with her and she gets pissed and tells me ‘Why didn’t you ask me first. Maybe I had PLANS that didn’t involve YOU for the next two days.’ Wow. Thanks mom. I’ve been sleeping a fuck ton and napping too just because time goes faster when I’m unconscious. I can’t stand being home. I start getting my reoccurring nightmares when I’m home. They all have a common theme. I do the same thing, over and over again with the same results. I have no control over this. I have to save people. Usually my family. And I get a panicked feeling in my chest, where it gets tighter and hard to breath because I NEED to save the person (usually my little brother) so badly that it hurts me. I never end up saving anyone. And in the one dream I don’t have to save anyone, I can’t stop myself from jumping off a set of stairs over and over again. It’s fucked up. And driving me nuts. I need to NOT stress.
  • I love that my Google Reader has my own damn blog as my ‘Top Recommendation.’ It makes me giggle.
  • I also love that I have now officially taken precedence over the Phaedra from Greek mythology on google. Sorta. Google Phaedra and I don’t even show up in the top 10 pages. Google Pheadra Fallen and where I used to be on the second page, I now am the second link after my Blog Catalog listing. :D

Mental Breakdown

11 11 2008

I’ve never been so close to losing touch with reality as I was on Sunday.

It was honestly scary. Mostly because I’m not quite sure what set it off. I couldn’t stop crying and I just hurt. So badly.  I felt like everything around me was melting away and all that was left was me. And I have never felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin as much as I did that night. I wanted to peel my skin off and just cease to be me. At some point, I started scratching my right forearm. I didn’t realize I was doing it until I broke the skin adn started bleeding. And honestly, feeling that brought me back down to reality as sick as it is. I stopped doing that kind of shit years and years ago.

But now I have two long scabs that I’ve been covering up with bandaids.

I’ve hit a real low recently, and that’s why I’ve not been updating much or doing HNT. I’m going to try to get back into posting every other day or so. I had such plans……sigh.

Thankfully, I woke up and felt fine today. Thank god for X being an amazing friend and keeping me sane.

I haven’t had sex since friday. And I’m really horny. Is it sad that I get antsy after going without sex for a weekend? I told X that tomorrow is our veg out day. After he gets off work, I told him to come over. I’m planning on going to take my Public Admin test at noon. Then going and dropping off my Philosophy paper. And then going home and sleeping until he comes over. Then making him watch movies with me for the rest of the evening. Hopefully getting some sex in there.

Rants and Raves Because I’m Procrastinating Again

7 10 2008

I have a feeling that these procrastination posts might become a regular thing on my blog. Because when I have a six page paper due tomorrow, the only thing I can think of to do is blog! :D

Which is not good.

My back hurts. I blame X. We’ve fucked on my bed enough now that it squeaks. It didn’t used to do that but I guess give it two months of rough sex and things like that happen. And the walls in my apartment are ungodly thin. Like I can hear everything that goes on in the living room thin. Despite the fact that my bed is against two outside walls, the squeaky bed makes X nervous or something probably because of my thin walls. So his new thing is to throw my comforter on the floor and fuck on that.

My floor is hard. X is not exactly Mr. Dainty. I HURT.

Get me a tool set and some 151… wait……that’s the shit that makes my tongue go numb……..WD40 and I will make my bed not squeak. Until then, I guess I get fucked on the floor. Which was fun at first but the novelty is wearing off with the development of aches in my back.

In class today, I learned I’m a total and utter loser. We were given a ditto with 13 questions about John Locke’s Second Treatise on Government. I answered every single one in detail without once opening my book. My group was done in ten minutes. It’s really sad that I know that piece of writing so well.

It’s just as sad that I’m planning on naming my first son Locke. Yes. I am a political philosophy nerd. Yes. I am a freak. ::bows and exits stage right::

In less amusing news, I’m anxiously awaiting my period. I missed last month but didn’t tell X because I didn’t want him to worry. I’m on a pill where it’s not uncommon to miss periods, and I’ve also been really stressed. So it’s probably that. But I still worry. So, by this time next week I’ll either be happy or panicking with X over buying a test.

And the part that scares me the most is that I may be pro-choice all the way and gung ho, but I personally would choose life because I don’t think I could ever live with the decision. The only grey area is what I would actually do about it all. Which is scary. And I don’t even want to think that way.

And honestly I highly doubt I am. I’m just a natural worrier.

And I should be writing my philosophy paper on Aristotle and blah and bleh and other shit. But I’m lazy. And I don’t like the prompt. I want to say fuck it and make my own but I would not get a good grade with that. Sigh.

Notes on Life

15 09 2008
  • First and foremost: Oh. My. Fucking. God. The two guys X shares an apartment with were gone for a few hours this afternoon and X and I had what is probably the MOST AMAZING sex we’ve ever had. Oh my god. I get turned on all over again just thinking about. Expect a post soon with details. Oh my god. Still reeling from the amazingness.
  • This is the first I’ve had Internet since early yesterday afternoon. We got hit with some of the after effects of Hurricane Ike. No storming or raining, just wind. Anywhere from 30-75 mph. My university actually issued warnings about not going outside because of branches and trees falling. We lost our power at about 3pm yesterday and didn’t get it back until sometime this morning. All our food in our fridge spoiled though we did get class off today. Sadly, there’s only one grocery store open in the area and it’s 20ish minutes away. X and I made a trip there this afternoon. Basically some 600,000 people still don’t have power and we’re apparently in a state of emergency right now. But we sent all our people down to go help Ike victims not suspecting that we were going to get hit so hard. My university is currently running off a backup generator and the main power could be off for another like 3 or 4 days. Gah.
  • Random, but X looks incredibly hot when he wears his underarmor shirt. Like, I want to jump you this second hot. Or maybe I’m just horny. Because when I first saw him today his hair was messy, he had prolly two days worth of scruff, he was wearing his underarmor shirt and my god did he look delectable.  Gah.
  • Apparently wearing a padded bra is akin to lying according to X. My response: You see my boobs all the time. You know what size they are. There’s no lying involved. Just inhancing.
  • Also, I need to fill my prescription for my birthcontrol ASAP. As in I should be starting a new pack today. But no stores are open. And I don’t know what to do. I might run to the health center tomorrow to see if they can fill it.

TMI: “Out” Magazine

13 08 2008

1. What is your favorite song to have sex to? None at all. For some reason I kinda just like silence when I fuck.
2. What is your vision of hell? Non-existent seeing as I’m not really sure I beleive in it. I mean, I guess my vision of hell would be more like limbo or purgatory rather than the ‘fire, brimstone, and eternal damnation’ thing.

3. In the film made of your life, who will play you? Adrienne Palicki or Natalie Portman
4. What is the one thing you most urgently need to tell your mom? To fuck off and let me live my own life.
5. What will be carved onto your tombstone? The typical shit. And anything else my family comes up with.
And the bonus: What is your drag name (which would be, first name: the name of your first pet; last name: the name of the street you grew up on)? Sasha Creek. Lol.


2 08 2008

I started talking to X again, and we had an interesting conversation last night.

“Good Z. :P at on head:”
“Rawr. Don’t pat my head. I bite.”
“I don’t mind biting, so meh.”
“It wouldn’t be the fun kind of biting so :P
“Or so you think.”
“Hmm? Or so I think?”
“And what was that supposed to mean.”
“That is up to you, I guess.”
“Up to me? That’s no fun.”
“It could be….lol.”
“Oh really? Why is that.”
“Because you’re fun.”
“Am I?”

And the whole time we’re texting I’m laying in bed tossing and turning because I keep thinking about him. Because I’m imagining his tone and how we’d be bantering back and forth about this. And our banter used to turn me on, as odd as it is. So I’m laying in bed, remembering the noises he’d make when I bit down on his earlobe, or stuck my teeth lightly into his shoulder as his kissed my neck. And I’m squeezing my legs together, trying not to get turned on by all of this. Trying not to imagine him in my bed, making me moan.

“I dunno.”
“I don’t beleive you.”
“And why don’t you beleive me?”
“Dunno, just don’t.”
“Oh well. I’m not telling.”
“Why not? You’re no fun.”
“Because it’s more fun to make you guess. And I am too fun.”
“How so?”
“Do I really need to answer that?”
“Come on, it’s me. I’m fun in all sorts of ways! Though too bad for you some of those ways are off limits now.”
“Just a bit off limits.”
“Just a bit off limits? Too bad for you.”
“True, though all the better for a lucky guy this year.”
“Perhaps. So long as I can actually find someone.”
“True, just don’t tell me about them.”
“Why not?”
“As sad as it is, I’ll get jealous.”
“Oh really? What happened to Mr. ‘I don’t get jealous’?”
“No shhing me. I want to know why you’d be jealous.”

But he didn’t answer back. It was 4am and we were both tired, on the verge of sleep. I doubt I’ll ever get a straight answer as to why he’d be jealous. He’ll claim he doesn’t know why.

But he let his poker face fall for a moment, by telling me he’d be jealous. He gave me something to leverage with. I have a feeling it won’t take much to get X back into bed with me once school starts. Or at least I’ll get to have a lot of fun teasing him.