Good for Something

8 10 2008

Yesterday was bad……

I had a bit of an emotional breakdown because the seven year aniversary of my dad is on saturday. I hate not being home for this time, and I just couldn’t put up a happy face anymore. I broke down.

I texted X that I knew he didn’t feel well, but that I needed a hug. Even if it was a metaphorical text message hug. He responded “What’s wrong hun?”

“This week gets harder every year. And I really, really hate not being home.”

Ten, almost fifteen, minutes went by. Nothing. Not a text from him. Then I get a phone call.

“Hey, are you okay?”


“I’ll be there in like a minute and a half. Come let me in.”


And I let him in. And we walked up to my apartment. I wouldn’t let him touch me because I knew I’d break down if he did. I walked up to my door and tried to open it, forgetting it was locked. I was frazzled and not thinking. When we got to my room, I curled up on my bed, tears welling in my eyes as he kicked off his shoe and emptied his pockets of his phone, wallet and spare change.

He sat down on the bed next to me and without a word pulled me into his arms. I couldn’t hold it back. I started sobbing uncontrolablly, clinging to him like my life depended on it. And he just listened and hugged me closer; kissing my hair, my forehead. I let go about how I missed my father, and how I hated not being home with my family around this time.

I don’t know how long I cried.

But I finally caught my breath and wiped my eyes. I kissed X softy, getting tears on his face.

“You didn’t need to come.”

“Yes I did.”

“No you didn’t. I feel bad. You said you weren’t feeling well.”

“Z, you needed me. And you don’t know me very well if you actually thought I wouldn’t come.  You’re my best friend at this school, and I care about you a lot, more than you know.”

“Thank you….”

“Don’t forget how much I care about you.”


He stayed another two hours or so, snuggling and cuddling and talking. It made my night a hundred times better.

As much as he can be an ass, I’m glad he’s my friend. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

seven: of heartbreak and hate

13 07 2008

When it comes to slseeping together, X and I are done, apparently.

I’m not going to go into details right now, it’s too fresh and too painful. Basically X came to visit me yesterday, we fucked like animals for hours, tried new things, figured out the mechanics of others, and in general had a good time.

About 1 or 2am, just as we’re starting to fall asleep, he decides to realize he actually feels guilty for once in his life for cheating. And after much talking and crying, he left.

He didn’t leave on bad terms, I’m still his best friend, I can’t really change that. But he’s lost my trust, and he’s broken my heart. And I’m making sure he feels like shit for hurting me.